


Love doesn't choose it's lover (And I'm dancing on dangerous waters)

by Inaritree



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst fic, Atsumu and Osamu get found out, Atsumu is a singer, Atsumu is a singer but it's only established at the end, Author Is Sleep Deprived, F, Implied Sexual Content, Incest, M/M, Mourning, Sibling Incest, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, There is major character death, Twincest, Warning: Suicide, author has a heat in the moment, author-san made a poem at 3am and decided to turn it into lyrics, miyacest, very vaguely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:46:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28097886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inaritree/pseuds/Inaritree
Summary: He regrets nothing.It's what Atsumu tells himself through waves of tears, mountains of misery and years of unrequited yearning. He repeats it to himself everyday before he goes to bed like a prayer that would give him the luxury of granted wishes. It's useless to the mind of the norm but to Atsumu it's everything he ever wished for. He thanks the heavens above every twilight that he's grateful to have been sanctified with such a beautiful human being.He regrets nothing, he tells himself.But deep down he regrets everything.Or.Atsumu is a singer and is retelling his story of his love for Osamu, except it doesn't end the way all love stories do.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Miya Osamu
Kudos: 56





	Love doesn't choose it's lover (And I'm dancing on dangerous waters)

**Author's Note:**

> If u know me from the harry potter au 
> 
> h a i
> 
> I pulled this one out of my ass, here's an angst fic.

**"The light shines bright in the luminescent glows."**

" _STOP!"_

The cry is desperate, languid and hopeless. It's so eerie that it sounds akin to a man grieving his loved one or an innocent about to take the death penalty. He's panting, his lungs are searing and his throat feels like knives are penetrating each and every vocal chord he has left. There's blood spewing from the caverns of his mouth and his tongue feels like heavy lead.

As he runs through the forest, he doesn't care that the thorns scratch his legs, he doesn't care that the branches are stabbing him. He doesn't care that he's probably stepping on hundreds of bugs, doesn't care that his feet are making _squelch squelch_ noises in the heavily water succulent mud. The rain beats down on him like bags of rice being placed on his shoulders. _He's exhausted,_ he tells himself, but he doesn't want to stop- no, he _can't_ stop because if he does he'll loose _everything_.

"'SAMU! COME BACK!"

He's following the silhouette of his brother now, who's running as fast as his legs could carry him. Atsumu doesn't know where they're going, doesn't know if he's ever going to catch up. All he knows is that _he needs to catch up now._ Osamu's grey hair shines in the light, glimmering like a moonbeam and the strands of his hair are flying everywhere.

Those strands remind Atsumu of the times he woke up next to his brother, naked and in his bubble of happiness. He'd rake his hands through Osamu's hair and watch his brother unconsciously nuzzle his head into his palm, awe was the only way to describe it. He was mesmerizing, beautiful and absolutely stunning.

_"PLEASE! OSAMU DON'T DO THIS!"_

**"Your glimmering eyes are the only things I know"**

Osamu takes a sharp left, his T-shirt wrapping around his torso, fully soaked to the brim. His hair is bunched up in thick locks and his hands are shaking from the cold. Atsumu's _close,_ he can almost smell him. His hand wafts the air around, trying to grasp onto his shirt but his brother is faster than him. Atsumu curses the gods above for making Osamu the faster one.

**"This love is taboo, this love is unhinged."**

There's tears spilling down Atsumu's face, mingling with the rainwater and creating a thick concoction that almost makes him choke. The rain pitters harder and harder, the droplets now feel like bullets more than anything and Atsumu's vision starts to get disoriented from his wet hair and the constant streams of water.

"OSAMU!" With ever syllable of his brother's name Atsumu heaves out a breath. He's going to die out here, he figures. He's going to suffocate, die and forever be remembered as the boy who chased after his brother, chased after the one he sinned with, the one that turned him rotten and the one who gave him his first kiss.

**"But I can't stop myself from plummeting over the edge."**

They're out of the forest now, Osamu's gone another direction and Atsumu's face blanches a sickening white when he sees where Osamu's initial destination is.

It's their middle school, the place where it all began. Where Osamu had pinned Atsumu to a locker, kissed him roughly like he was the only oxygen source left in the world. Their lips were bruised and there were teeth clashing with each other. It was messy, disgusting, saliva dribbled down Atsumu's chin. But it all felt so good, it all felt so _beautiful._

But beautiful is a word so far from describing their relationship.

Blood mingling with blood, genetics molded into each other. Evidence of their travesties spilled inside Atsumu and on the bedsheets. Countless of times he's told himself to stop but he can't, he'd tried to shut out those thoughts, tried to forget about everything. But it was all too much for him, all too surreal. Every time he looks at Osamu he forgets about the world around him, it disappears like it had never existed in the first place. His love for Osamu was so big, that it penetrated the magnetosphere.

**"They say love doesn't choose it's lover"**

The events that follow are all a flash, blurred into his mind like a broken record.

Osamu enters the building, Atsumu follows.

**"And I know I'm dancing on dangerous waters."**

Osamu rushes up the stairs, Atsumu trips on one but nevertheless gets up on his feet. He screams Osamu's name once more, like it's the only thing in the world that matters. His legs are shaking, his breaths are becoming too ragged and his chest feels like it's about to explode into smithereens. Atsumu's arms are jelly and his bones are on the verge of grinding into dust molecules.

**"But O' dear brother, can't you ever see?"**

Osamu's on the roof, Atsumu's at the doorway. Osamu walks towards the edge and Atsumu hollers out a whimper, he can't speak anymore. All that yelling has probably injured his chords, he's probably never going to be able to speak again. As Osamu steps upon the ledge there's a comical flashback playing through his mind like marbles scattering on a hardwood floor. The flashback reminding him of every salvaged memory has has engraved into the depths of his existence: Osamu kissing him, Osamu embracing him, their fights, their lashes, their tears, their smiles.

And when Osamu turns around, his hair damp against his scalp and eyes shinning with so much _hurt_ and so much _hopelessness_ that it pierces Atsumu's soul like a knife slowly digging into his organs, he sees it all again.

Their mother screaming at them, their father kicking him. 

Their disgusted faces, their mortified eyes.

Their mother vomiting on the floor, their dad yelling at them.

And then now, Osamu's eyes shimmer with that same emotion, that same reflection of everlasting despair that Atsumu knows will never go away.

When Osamu starts to fall Atsumu's mind short circuits.

And when Atsumu's there to catch him, Osamu slips from the water.

**"There's only myself to blame and that's all it'll ever be."**

He remembers that day as clear as translucent plastic. He remembers the gut pulling shock and the way his eyes widened, stung with the rain water washing in. He remembers the aftermath, seeing Osamu's body lifeless, bloody and bones snapped in half.

He regrets nothing. Through the lifetime and days that he and Osamu had spent together, he regrets nothing.

It's what Atsumu tells himself through waves of tears, mountains of misery and years of unrequited yearning. He repeats it to himself everyday before he goes to bed like a prayer that would give him the luxury of granted wishes. It's useless to the mind of the norm but to Atsumu it's everything he ever wished for. He thanks the heavens above every twilight that he's grateful to have been sanctified with such a beautiful human being.

He regrets nothing, he tells himself.

But deep down he regrets everything.

So when the applause from the audience rings in his ears he lets a tear slide down his cheek.

_Look at me now Osamu, look how far I've come._

**Author's Note:**

> The poem:
> 
> The light shines bright in the luminescent glows
> 
> Your glimmering eyes are the only thing I know.
> 
> This love is taboo, this love is unhinged.
> 
> But I can't help myself from plummeting over the edge
> 
> They say love doesn't choose it's lover.
> 
> And I'm dancing on dangerous waters.
> 
> But O'dear brother can't you ever see?
> 
> There's only myself to blame, and that's all it'll ever be.


End file.
